Eminem Is Better Than Jason Mraz

Recently, or not so recently depending on how you look at it, Jason Mraz released an album titled “We Sing, We Dance, We Steal Things”. Eminem’s most recent album is “Eminem Presents the Re-Up”. I thought I’d compare these two albums because they’re both the most recent albums from these two artists and their titles are both needlessly long. They don’t really belong to the same genre of music, so I thought I’d just resort to comparing the album art. Makes my life easier.

Keep in mind that I am 100% unbiased and in no way do I like Eminem 500 times more than Jason Mraz.

Here’s Eminem’s cover.

It’s important to note that this whole cover is hand drawn by Eminem himself, except maybe the parental advisory sticker. He took a month to draw this and I think it turned out pretty darn good. Now, it’s not perfect because Bizarre, the guy on Eminem’s left, should be about 200 pounds heavier than that.

Now, here’s Jason Mraz’s album cover.

Wow. Just wow. Great album cover. Did he draw that? Jason Mraz is a really crappy artist (the drawing kind, not the singing kind). It looks like a 5 year old did it. Or it looks like he forgot to make an album cover and he had 5 minutes to do it so he drew the first thing that came into his head, his face. Maybe he didn’t have a mirror when he drew this, or maybe he really thinks his nose is just two dots. Hopefully he drew this in Microsoft Paint, otherwise it’s even worse. There’s always the possibility that he wasn’t the one who drew it, but then that begs the question… where do I apply to draw album covers for him and get paid? If I saw this album in China, I’d be hesitant to buy it because the cover looks so bad it looks like a fake.

I like both their songs but as you can clearly see, Eminem is better than Jason Mraz.

Being A Pig Sucks

Pigs have a horrible life. They just sit in mud all day, wondering if they're actually sitting in mud, or something else that's brown and disgusting that probably came from their own bumbum. Pigs have no potential in life. When is the last time you've seen a pig be king or president? The thing is, pigs are supposed to one of the smarter animals in the animal kingdom. Unfortunately for them, perception becomes reality. Everyone thinks pigs are dumb. They look dumb, they can only say one word (oink), and their tails aren't even straight.

When pigs get eaten, they get devoured. There's dishes with pork feet, pork ears, pork blood... I wouldn't be surprised to see pork brains as a menu item. People must really hate pigs because it seems they make sure that every part of a pig gets transformed into food.

Most importantly, pigs are dead last in the Chinese zodiac. (Speaking of which, how did the dragon, which can fly, not win??) The pig was so slow that the dog had to accompany it, just so the pig wouldn't feel bad and try to commit suicide by jumping on a hot rock and turning itself into bacon.

I'm not much of a reader so I'm no expert on reading but I do admit that in Animal Farm, the pigs became the head of the farm. Problem is, that's just a book. The only thing I got out of that is that pigs are evil, scheming, fatties, and that we should eat more of them just to keep their numbers down.

As I've mentioned before, perception is reality. When you think of a horse, you think of a majestic creature with humongous leg muscles, galloping into the sunset. When you think of a lion, you think of a courageous, fierce creature with a glowing aura of danger. When you think of a pig however, you think of ham. The nice little packaged hams you can buy at Safeway.

Now I'm not saying pigs suck. Pigs are delicious. It just sucks to be a pig.

AP Chem Syllabus

I found my old AP Chemistry syllabus from 2005 (sophmore junior year). You might know that my Chem AP class wasn't the best place to actually learn chem. It was a very good place to do math homework and brush up on poker skills though. In case you need more clarification, the teacher's name starts with 'W' and ends with 'oo'. Here's a quick rundown of the syllabus.

What it says: Spending 30-60 minutes each night reading and reviewing text in addition to working on homework and class assignments.

What really happened: We spent 30-60 minutes the night before each test and some of lunch time reading the text for the first time and copied all homework or class assignments.
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What it says: Labs are an important part of the curriculum.

What really happened: We did no labs for 90% of the year. Then someone asked why we did no labs and we started doing a lab every single day. We also were proud that we set off the school fire alarm by burning things we didn't know about.
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What it says: Independent work is an expectation of this course. Study groups are highly recommended.

What really happened: Independent work was rare. Answer copying groups were highly recommended.
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What it says: Minimal extra credit is offered during the year.

What really happened: Extra credit was given if you were a girl and you whined constantly during class, before class, after class, and after school.
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What it it says: Students should consider the serious time commitment required by this class.

What really happened: Students should take this class if they like playing chess and not learning chemistry.

Search Engine Traffic

The picture above is a short glimpse into the search results from google and yahoo that led to my blog. I got these from Google Analytics, in case you were wondering.

The first search term is "chubber fish". I was curious what that would return so I typed it into Google myself. I got a whole lot of... nothing. I don't think there is a such thing as a chubber fish, and if there is, no one cares about it. I did stumble upon a nice family blog detailing the life of their kid, but the kid wasn't a fishy.

The second term doesn't make much sense to me. Chicks aren't chubby.

The third one is such a good oppurtunity for a fat joke but I've moved on from that. The 3rd person is probably some vegetarian wondering why he/she is still chubby. Time for a new diet I suppose.

Number four is just...weird.

Five and six are whatever. Number 6 might have even been me because I'm very forgetful.

Number 7.... yeah....

Number 8 is whatever again.

I'm just glad that I was able to help out number 9. If you're wondering what I'm talking about, just read the previous post.

Number 10 is fat joke land again. My answer to that would be to close your eyes, and tape your nose, and eat so much hot sauce your taste buds get burned off.

Tips To Not Be Hungry

I think I'm capable of making a significant contribution to the Mercury News. I really do. Yesterday the front page article was about how hot it's going to get, and it was titled "Playing it cool". Nothing wrong with that on a slow news day, or when the newspaper doesn't feel like doing real work to cover a real story. Anyways, where would I be able to help? Well, there's a nice little box on the front page titled "Tips To Stay Cool", and it gives some pointers on how to stay cool. I'll shorten them a little and type them out here for your reference in case you need ideas on how to stay cool.

-Stay in air-conditioned rooms

-Reduce body temperature by using cold compresses, misting yourself with water, and taking cool showers and baths

-Avoid physical exertion

-Wear lightweight and light-colored clothing

-Drink plenty of fluids. However, if your doctor has told you to limit your fluid intake, ask your doctor how much should drink during the heat

My reaction to this can be summed up in 2 big words and some symbols of emphasis: NO DUH!!!! The first three items are so obvious it hurt my head to even consider the idea that people wouldn't know them, giving a new meaning to painfully obvious. The fourth item is pretty simple too. Don't wear heavy pieces of clothing because they are usually made to keep you warmer. The last one is a joke. Drink lots of water, unless you're told not to drink lots of water.

I was thinking that if they had to have someone make this list, I could make an equally useful list too! Here's mine.

Tips To Not Be Hungry
-Eat food
-Eat food
-Go out to a restaurant and eat food
-Do not NOT eat food
-Eat lots of food. However, if you are not hungry anymore, stop eating food.

I'm really disapointed in the ever-decreasing quality of the local newspaper. Either the Mercury News had to reduce headcount by 50% and accidentally fired the smart 50%, or they decided to change their target audience to 1st graders and polar bears who just moved to America.

My Cell Phone

My cell phone has a great battery life. In fact, the battery life of my cell phone is amazing. It is mind blowing to the point that if I didn't decide to investigate this mystery of epic proportions, my head would have likely been blown by the sheer knowledge that I don't have the knowledge of why my cell phone's battery lasts so long. So anyways, I took a break from sleeping to investigate this and I came up with some results.

1. I like carrots. But I'm not a rabbit. A very curious matter I must pursue someday.

2.

3. I don't talk on the phone a lot.



After these 3 exciting new observations were made, I had to sift through them to find out which ones were important. Obviously one of them could be thrown out right off the bat. The second one has a pie chart, and statistics can always be manipulated so we're left with the first and last one. After lengthy consideration, I decided to take a closer look at the 3rd one, simply because I don't want to have to find out that I'm really a rabbit.

I went into my call time logs and came up with these numbers.
I've had my phone for 210 days exactly today.
I've sent 897 minutes of calls.
I've received 423 minutes of calls.
This comes out to 6.19 minutes on the phone a day.

Points of Interest To ME:
- I've sent 2 times more minutes of calls than received
- Seconds are counted as seconds, so a 1 second call doesn't get rounded up to 1 minute
- This average is very puzzling to me because I go many days without using the phone. The last time I made/received a call was 4 days ago. Before that, it was 2 days ago. Before that, 2 days. Before that 4 days.
- I also don't recall talking too long on the phone so I'm not sure where 6.19 minutes a day is coming from.

So what does this all mean? I don't know. I kind of lost interest while making the pie chart. But I do know that my phone will be in tip top shape for a long time. I'm sure there are lots of people who have a lower average than me too. Also, the only way I can account for the average time is to assume that there are fairies in this world and they like messing with my phone. Damn fairies.

Being Optimistic Is Easy

Being happy in life is all about perspective. Little things can make or break your day, depending on how you look at things. Big things can catapult your life onto a road of success or ruin, depending on how you look at things. I'm going to go ahead and use the encompassing word everything, and say that everything in life can be viewed in a positive light. Of course, this is not entirely a good thing because it's also commonly associated with insanity. Today I'm going to teach you, through example, how to be optimistic.

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Scenario: You got a bad grade in a class.

Negative Reaction: You go kill yourself because your life/career is now over.
Positive Reaction: You view this as a good assessment that you need to work harder, or cheat harder. You then go on the have the best cheating semester of your life next year. Or you worked hard if you actually have morals.
Possible Reason Why Positive Reaction Is Not Possible: Your parents locked you in the basement for 10 years to punish you.

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Scenario: You find out that no one likes you. Also, everyone thinks you smell.

Negative Reaction: You cry and mope about it all day, for several days. Then you start making emo blog/xanga/livejournal/myspace/facebook/w/e posts about it and hope that someone leaves a comment saying that they're your friend, or just that you don't smell. When no one comments, then you start asking people over AIM to list out your faults, as if that'll make you feel any better.
Positive Reaction: Obviously you're doing something terribly wrong if no one at all likes you. Take a little time to think about why, but don't over think it. Then go take a shower and use soap and shampoo for the first time in your life.
Possible Reason Why Positive Reaction Is Not Possible: You smell so bad that you get banned from the internet.

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Scenario: A boulder of epic proportions falls on you and crushes both of your weak spindly legs.

Negative Reaction: Cry about it.
Positive Reaction: None.
Possible Reason Why Positive Reaction Is Not Possible: A boulder just fell on you. Did I mention it was of epic proportions, especially in relation to your legs?

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Scenario: Your television gets stuck on a baseball channel and you can't turn the tv or volume off.

Negative Reaction: Whine about how baseball is a dumb sport.
False Positive Reaction: Watch for a few minutes to try and get a better understanding of the sport.
True Positive Reaction: The sport sucks so don't bother watching. It's just a few fat guys standing around getting paid millions. Go outside and play some sports instead of just watching it.
Possible Reason Why Positive Reaction Is Not Possible: You're so lazy you've reached the point where you can't move anymore.

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Scenario: You make a blog post and you wanted to have 5 scenarios, but you're too tired to get more than 4.

Negative Reaction: You consider yourself a massive failure and hang your head in shame. Then you fall asleep and fall out of your chair while a mouse crawls over the useless lump that is your body.
Positive Reaction: Get too tired to care anymore.
Possible Reason Why Positive Reaction Is Not Possible: Yep, don't care anymore.

Why We Should All Be Vegetarian

I remember one person once told me that more and more people are realizing that meat isn't the greatest thing for your body, and that more and more people are eating fish. Even though fish is kind of like meat anyways, the point probably was that being a fish will suck more than normal because there's a greater chance of being eaten. Here are a few reasons to become a vegetarian. Keep in mind that I myself will completely disregard my own reasons so don't feel any pressure to be swayed by them at all.
1. Eating meat is probably just a fad.

One day, a long time ago, a caveman saw a saber tooth tiger take down and eat a mammoth. Since the caveman was a guy, it seemed pretty awesome so he tried it too to be awesome like the saber tooth tiger. So basically people started eating meat because it was the cool thing to do. Fads pass though.

2. It's not nice to eat other animals.

They have feelings. If you yell at a dog it'll get all sad and its tail will stop wagging. Plants are a different story. Try going out to a carrot patch and start yelling at the carrots. Those pricks won't even respond to you. They were probably ignoring you too. I wouldn't feel sorry for chopping them up and eating them.

3. Mad Cow Disease

If we don't eat cows, we won't get mad cow disease. I'm no expert on mad cow disease but I'm pretty sure it's caused by cows that are angry. Why would they be angry you ask? Because we keep eating them. We should just release them all to the wild. They'd still be eaten by wolves though and we wouldn't have any more milk. So I guess we need cows. But we can't eat them.

To Girls...

This is one of those lists that girls send to guys in hopes that the guy will be more like the person described in the list. No one sent me this with the intention of me being that special guy but I happened to come across it so I decided to change the list a little... here's the new and improved list. Funny colored stuff is the original, my additions are in black.

- Stay on the phone with her even if shes not saying anything. ...until you realize that she fell asleep on you an hour ago.

- When she's mad hug her tight and don't let go ...even if you're cutting off her air.

- When she says she's ok don't believe it, talk with her ...until she gets mad at you that you never believe her.

- because 10 yrs later she'll remember you ...as the person she still hates.

- Call her at 12:00am on her birthday to tell her you love her ...only to find out she changed her number.

- Call her before you sleep and after you wake up ...because everybody likes to be bothered at least twice a day.

- Treat her like she's all that matters to you. ...so be sure to keep her locked up somewhere safe.

- Tease her and let her tease you back. ...then punch her and let her punch you back.

- Stay up all night with her when she's sick. ...if you want to get sick too.

- Watch her favorite movie with her or her favorite show even if you think its stupid. ...then shoot yourself for wasting your time.

- Give her the world.... even if that is totally impossible.

- Let her wear your clothes. ... after you run through a patch of poison ivy.

- When she's bored and sad, hang out with her. ...so you can feel better about your own life.

- Let her know she's important. ...but not as important as you.

- Kiss her in the pouring rain. ...then catch a cold and die.

Shoot or Ask Questions?

For tonights installment of fun, let's have a pretend scenario. Let's say that you're in some sort of country where 95% of the people are bad people. Everyone in this country, including you, is armed with some sort of machine gun so it is a pretty dangerous place. Now let's say that it's nighttime and it's really dark outside. You see someone coming but you can't tell if it is someone friendly or not. The question now is, what do you do? Here's some possible courses of action.

Sidenote: Running isn't an option because I said it's not.

1. Shoot first, ask questions later

95% of the people here are bad guys so the person coming is most likely a bad person. Also, there's the chance that even if it was a friend, you'd only injure them and they would still be alive. Better safe than sorry. Also, if you have really bad aim, you'd want to be the one to start shooting so you have a better chance of hitting them before you get shot.


2. Ask questions first, Shoot later

You, the reader, might be thinking, "Patrick you're so awesome and such but I don't think you're supposed to add 'shoot later' to that." Well, I, the writer, will say that 95% of the people are baddies anyways so you'll most likely have to end up shooting them. This will just make you feel better about having to try and hurt someone else because you confirmed their a bad person. Of course this all hinges on the fact that they are dumb enough to respond before shooting at you, but if you're dumb enough to ask questions first in this situation, maybe everyone else is just like you.

3. Shoot while asking questions

If you have good aim, you probably won't be getting any answers to your questions with this method.

A Conversation

I recently heard a conversation that went like this.

Person 1: Hi, how are you?
Person 2: Good, how about you?
Person 1: Good.
Person 2: Good.
Person 1: Okay, bye.
Person 2: Bye.

This is why I don't talk to people.

My Perfect World

There has been countless ideas of what a perfect world would be like, and an equal amount of theories as to why a perfect world can't exist. Unfortunately for anyone who has spent the time to read them, they're all wrong. I'm here to cast the first correct stone into a vast yard full of stones that are incorrect. I'm going to throw a bucket of water into a lake of spit. My words will be a flashlight in the land with no light.

Some people want a perfect world to have no violence, wars, or arguments. They want a Pleasantville, where everyone goes "Gee golly!", "Gee Whiskers!" and "That's swell!". Basically, everyone would be a nerd. Besides the fact that this would be a boring world to live in, it would never happen. We as humans are able to argue about almost anything. I'm not even talking about the big things in life like which country we should bomb next, whose religion is less wrong, or the existence or nonexistence of business ethics. People find the time to argue about white chocolate vs dark chocolate (dark is better), cats or dogs (dogs), and brownies or cookies (they're both chocolate, just take BOTH).

I'd take the time to take a look at a few more theories and explain what's wrong with them but I made a nice simple mathematical formula.

# of ideas not mine that are correct = 0

Remember, it's math and math is always right.

Anyways, here's a quick rundown of my perfect world.

1. Everyone gets a bajillion dollars.

2. Excuse me for the stereotypes but every girl gets one cute animal and every guy gets one cool gun/tank.

3. There is no such thing as the abomination that is white chocolate.

4. My best friend wouldn't be my laptop. It would be my second best friend after my NEW imaginary laptop.

5. Everyone would be nice to me. They can be mean to each other all they want though. They just have to be nice to me.

Next!

I was recently reminded of the MTV show Next, and I started to imagine myself in that show. I know I wouldn't fit in at all because there seems to be a level 9 shallowness rating and a level 12 douchbagginess rating but I'd bring in my own twist. Here's how my episode of Next would go.

Setting: Mouth of a volcano

(Girl 1 comes out of van)

Girl 1: I like ice cream.

Me: What happened to your face? Next!!!

(I push her into flaming pit of lava. Girl 1 Screams.)

(Girl 2 comes out of van)

Girl 2: I just want money so I'll act like a slut.

Me: You look like you just want money so you'll act like a slut. Next!!!

(I kick her into flaming pit of lava. Girl 2 screams, but not as loud as Girl 1.)

(Switch to shot of van with the 3 remaining girls inside.)

Girl 3: How come they're not coming back?

Girl 4: I heard screams too!

Girl 5: I'm really pretty.

(Girl 3 comes out.)

Me: Double You Tee Eff, are you a man?? Next!

(Dragon pops out of lava and eats Girl 3. Girl 4 comes out of van)

Girl 4: I li-

(I throw a pie in Girl 4's face, just for laughs. Then I electrocute her, just for fun. Girl 4 runs away crying and falls into lava pit. Girl 5 comes out.)

Girl 5: I'm really pretty.

Me: Yeah but you smell.

(Dragon causes mini earthquake and Girl 5 loses balance because she is an airhead and falls into lava pit.)


The show would end with me riding off into the sunset while the camera men try to flee from the man eating dragon.

The Game of Life

I'm here to talk about the Game of Life. No, that is not an interesting attention grabber title in which I will lead off with to discuss some aspect of life. No, I am just talking about the board game Life. In case you've never played this timeless classic, I've decided to draw up a review of this board game. Pictures are hard to find online so I only have one to show. I've concluded this is the case due to the fact that the manufacturers of the game don't want to reveal how bad their game really is.

If you're playing Life, you have no life.

I have just decided at this point in the post to forgo any resemblance of a structured review and just talk about whatever I want. If you don't like it, then go read something else. If you do like it, then you most likely have bad taste.

The point of the game is to make a lot of money and get to the end of road of life. Everyone's life is apparently very linear because there is a total of 2 or 3 different paths, and they all merge together quickly anyways. At the end, whoever has the most money wins. Money is obtained by landing on spaces and secretly stealing from the bank. Ok, enough logistics. On to the fun stuff.

At the start of the game, you have the choice of going to college, or getting a job right away. Going to college sets you back a couple grand, and you get one less payday (spaces where you earn money), but you get to choose from more jobs and salaries after you finish college. Anyways, the choice of going to college or not is totally up to you. However, if there was an asian version of this game, it'd be quite different. If you chose to not to go to college, you'd die immediately. There is no life if there is no college... well, at least that's what my parents tell me.

Once you reach a certain point in the path, you get married. The whole process is ridiculous. Everyone's playing piece is a little car, and you have little people sit inside. When you get married, you just pick up a pink/blue colored person and place him/her beside you. As if it was that easy. What if you don't want to get married? What if you haven't found that special someone yet? What if you're butt ugly and no one of the opposite sex will even stand within a 25 foot radius of you for fear of catching the ugly? Thats not how life works.

The career card are a joke too. You get one randomly and that's your job. If you go to college you get 3 cards randomly and you have to choose one. Apparently the game creators thought it would be funny to show every stereotype they could. The male athlete looks like a balloon with his inflated muscles. The policeman has a fat stomach and is chomping on donuts. And don't even get me started on the "cotton picker" job with the smiling black guy on it.

Most of the game is based on luck. You spin a spinner and you move that many spaces. Actually I take back that first statement. This whole game is based on luck. It teaches you that life is all luck and nothing you do will ever affect the end. The only input you have in the game is how hard you spin the spinner, and when you decide to stop wasting your time and quit playing the game.

I think this game could have some more realism added. For instance, you could have some spaces where you catch diseases. "You got malaria. You died." It doesn't even have to be so negative and have you dying, it should just make things more interesting. "You peed in your pants. Lose a turn hiding in the bathroom." "You got scammed by an email from Nigeria. Lose all your money and dignity." They could even throw in some more positive things. "You are guilty of murder. ONLY lose 2 turns instead of 10 years."

In the end of the game, you just total up all your money, which comes from many different sources than just paper cash, but I'm too lazy to explain. Everyone ends up with around 1 million dollars or greater, implying that life is good. Everyone lives in mansions at the end. No one has alzheimer's disease.

Final Verdict: I suppose that if you were stranded on an island with one friend, and you could choose between this board game and a 1x1 battleship game, this would be the better choice. Then again, you might be compelled to drown yourself if you had to play this game too many times, so I suppose this game is dangerous. Last words? Use this game as firewood.

5 Random Thoughts

1. There's a problem with the Gregorian calendar, the dating system we use now. It gives the impression that we have reached this point in the technology timeline in a simple 2000 years. This leads to absurd comments such as "Where are my FLYING CARS!!!", or "Why can't we control weather yet? I want it to rain cats and dogs so I can get a dog for my daughter", or even "OMG ROFLTOPTER FTW wO0T!!!@#". Okay, the last one doesn't really fit in but its an absurd statement nonetheless.

2. You know when people say "I don't know what you're talking about" in that sly way with a smile that means "I do not know what you're talking about"? When I say it, I usually really have no idea what you're talking about... but I smile anyways because I want to fit in.

3. In middle school and perhaps even high school if one never grew up, at the start of the semester people always proclaim loudly that they have an A+. They all seem really happy and such. I never understood this because I not only had an A+ at the beginning of the semester but for the whole semester.

4. I was eating this really spicy beef with rice one night, and I started sniffing a lot because it was so spicy. After a bit, I went to the bathroom to wash my hands and such. On the way there I was still sniffing a lot, and I saw some guy looking at me, with a look on his face that wondered why I was crying. Not wanting to be seen as a wuss, I immediately pointed out that I ate spicy stuff. He was just nodded his head, and gave a look like "Uh huh...right..."

5. I got a new wireless printer. It's pretty sweet because I can put the printer anywhere I want and not be restricted by a usb cable. I could have it in someone else's room if I wanted, and print them pictures of 2girls1cup or something. But this is all hypothetical. In reality, the printer is on the ground, under my bed, less than one foot from where I sit down to work.

Games Stress Me Out

Recently I found a computer game I never had much time to play before so I decided to give it a little love. Monopoly Tycoon is a game made in 2001, and it's quite simple. Without going into too much detail, you build businesses on blocks and try to earn the most money. The blocks are named after the Monopoly property titles to give it that whole obligatory Monopoly tie-in. It's a pretty simple and fun game, aimed toward younger kids, as such I was in the year 2001. Many guides online stated that the computer was pretty easy, and the real challenge lay in the multiplayer games where you match wits with other little kids.

I discovered a few things after a few days of playing.

1. In a 2001 game, medium level computers can beat me.

2. In a old 2001 game, lowly medium level computers can beat me.

3. In a old 200-freaking-1 game, lowly medium level crap computers can beat crush the orange juice out of me as if I was an orange.

What I'm trying to get across is that I lost a lot on the medium difficulty setting on an "easy" game. This isn't good for my self esteem at all. After enduring those losses, every subsequent game was nerve wracking. Fear and doubt started to creep in. "Should I build here? Or maybe there? Maybe anywhere? I do not like green eggs and ham. I do not like them, Sam-I-Am." I got so twitchy that I'd try to click on the mouse once, and end up clicking 5 times. People would have thought there was a woodpecker in the house. My hand got so sweaty that the mouse flew right off of it and killed a fly. All of this because one thought kept running through my mind, "In the name of Thor's manly hair, how am I losing?"

The moral of this story? Don't play easy games and lose.

I Have A White Hair

I was quite saddened by the fact that I had a long strand of white hair on my head. Here's a picture so you know what I am talking about.

A picture of my white hair on a white tablecloth
while white light is shining on it.

I've made a list of my thoughts concerning this disastrous event.


1. Did I get this white hair because of stress? I hope I do not get stressed about this because then that would produce more white hairs and I'd get even more stressed and even more white hairs would appear until I look like a giant snowball.

2. I am glad I found this rebel hair before it started to spread its whiteness ideas to the other hairs.

3. Perhaps the hair was an albino.

4. Perhaps I am growing older 3 to 4 times faster than normal. This would suck because I would die in a few years. It also sucks because that would mean I'm going to start shrinking soon and I'm small enough as it is.

5. If all my hair turned white soon, I could look like an anime character because they all have crazy colored hair that's really big. And big eyes. And big heads sometimes... and big... yeah you get the pattern here.

6. Green is such a cool color. Why can't it be green and not white? Also, it's Connie's birthday today!



I don't think I'd look good with white hair. Here's a simulated picture of what I would look like. Thanks to Lensar for the original photo.

Sexiest White Haired Guy Alive