All this recent hoopala about bomb threats has got me thinking about situations like this. And then I got to thinking about other danger situations such as fires, earthquakes, and even the occasional azn that snaps and decides to shoot people at school. Well, I'm here once again to englighten you as to why the current methods of protecting ourselves from these natural disasters is inadequate, and futile.
First of all, lets take a close look at what we do when there is a fire. We walk out to the GRASS. Isn't grass one of the first things to CATCH ON FIRE? And then we stand there for ages hoping that the flame doesn't spread to the grass because if it does, we're toast. See, my proposal is to make this process more efficient. It seems that the goal of the administration is to have all the students catch flame so they can make a video called America's Funniest Students. Well, instead of waiting on the grass for the fire to come to us, we should just all go to the fire and jump in.
And with earthquakes, it's much safer to stay inside where stuff can fall on you, or so I've been told. I mean, who knows what could happen outside. The sky might fall on you, and you would end up just like Chicken Little. Based on what we do with a fire (running to the fire), I'm suprised that we aren't instructed to run under the biggest object you can find.
And with a gunman, it's really smart to stay put. Usually, it's some pissed off kid that wants to kill this one person. And this one person is stuck in whatever class they're in. Not very hard to figure out how to kill that person. And stackign a few chairs up against the door will really fool the killer. I mean, how the heck could any one figure out that you just have to push the thing? Genius.
So everyone is well prepared in the event that one of these things happen, which they have not for about 50 gabajillion years. But... what if more then one occurred at once? Lets say there is a fire, and an earthquake. Half the class will be running outside wildy onto the grass and falling through cracks in the ground into the depths of Mordor while the other half wil be burning up under their desks while stuff fall on them anyways. Not a pretty sight.
If there was a fire and random shooters, then that would be horrible. Just get one of those machine guns that have 5000 bullets and shoot around the grass. People won't know whether to run away into the fire or stay and get hit by bullets. Some people like Joey may even be unlucky enough to get shot while running into the fire and burn up.
Earthquake + Shooter. Well, this is good cuz stuff will fall on people and the shooter will be hurt because the sky will fall on him. Or her....no it's a him.
If all of these happened... well... all I can say is there won't be school for awhile.
We need to have an UFO drill where we all run away as fast as possible.
Monday, March 27, 2006
Sunday, March 19, 2006
How to Study for the SAT's with one week left.
It seems that everytime the SAT's come, I find myself having not studied for the test. Luckily for me and you, I have perfected a way to cram in a week and ace it. These study steps are sure to be stolen from me by big publishing companies such as Barrons, Princeton, and (haha) REA. It's actually quite a simple process. If you follow these correctly, I guarantee that you'll get a decent score.
1. Take out all your SAT prep books you have. If you don't have any at all, then you might consider throwing yourself off a bridge while asking yourself what the heck you were doing all this time.
2. First, focus on the math section. This is because math is a bit more concrete then english and will be easier to get a drastic score change. Start by cheating and putting anything you can into your graphing calculator. This well help tremendously. As a side note, be sure to include a good game such as Phoenix in the event that you realize you are screwed on the test. You can just play games for 3 hours instead.
3. In the math section, you should focus on the multiplication table. That is all that is really required on the test. If you want to be ahead of the game, memorize Hero's Formula, because it has a cool name.
4. The writing section should come next. Start by writing some practice essays with the prompts given. Keep in mind that these are random prompts that have no connection with what the actual prompt will look like. For all you know, the real prompt could be something like this.
Blue. Discuss. You have 25 minutes. Time starts 20 minutes ago.
While you are practicing, it is ok to cheat and go over the time limit. It's only practice right? If you feel the need to justify this to yourself, just say that your watch is off or you started the timer too early.
5. In the reading comprehension section, it's all about practice practice practice. With a week to go, the best way to go is to flip pages frantically and hope that your brain absorbs info. Then go on to the vocab section. Pick out 100 words that you know already, and study those. It's a good confidence booster.
And thats all there is to it! Foolproof, and SAT killer. And the day before the test, all books tell you to not study. Well that is just so flawed. I mean, if I followed their philosophy, I should just not study a week before! A month before! Ever! Ha! So my idea is that the day before, you should go find the smart people who are also taking the SAT, and then hot glue gun their doors shut so they can't get out the next day. Better curve for you then.
So spread the word! Tell everyone that I found the way to crack the SAT! And btw, if you are taking the test April, don't be suprised if you find your door glued shut.
1. Take out all your SAT prep books you have. If you don't have any at all, then you might consider throwing yourself off a bridge while asking yourself what the heck you were doing all this time.
2. First, focus on the math section. This is because math is a bit more concrete then english and will be easier to get a drastic score change. Start by cheating and putting anything you can into your graphing calculator. This well help tremendously. As a side note, be sure to include a good game such as Phoenix in the event that you realize you are screwed on the test. You can just play games for 3 hours instead.
3. In the math section, you should focus on the multiplication table. That is all that is really required on the test. If you want to be ahead of the game, memorize Hero's Formula, because it has a cool name.
4. The writing section should come next. Start by writing some practice essays with the prompts given. Keep in mind that these are random prompts that have no connection with what the actual prompt will look like. For all you know, the real prompt could be something like this.
Blue. Discuss. You have 25 minutes. Time starts 20 minutes ago.
While you are practicing, it is ok to cheat and go over the time limit. It's only practice right? If you feel the need to justify this to yourself, just say that your watch is off or you started the timer too early.
5. In the reading comprehension section, it's all about practice practice practice. With a week to go, the best way to go is to flip pages frantically and hope that your brain absorbs info. Then go on to the vocab section. Pick out 100 words that you know already, and study those. It's a good confidence booster.
And thats all there is to it! Foolproof, and SAT killer. And the day before the test, all books tell you to not study. Well that is just so flawed. I mean, if I followed their philosophy, I should just not study a week before! A month before! Ever! Ha! So my idea is that the day before, you should go find the smart people who are also taking the SAT, and then hot glue gun their doors shut so they can't get out the next day. Better curve for you then.
So spread the word! Tell everyone that I found the way to crack the SAT! And btw, if you are taking the test April, don't be suprised if you find your door glued shut.
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