Christmas

I wish I was able to give everyone I know a gift for Christmas. I really do. It is nice to receive gifts too. Giving may be better than receiving but giving *and* receiving is even better.

When I give a gift to someone, I feel good about it. I spent time and brain power in choosing out a gift. It is good to see that effort pay off. More importantly though, they now owe me. If you didn’t give me a gift, they owe me even more. I don’t know what it’ll turn into but I hear if I accumulate enough favors, then I’ll get an extra life. Or maybe that was gold coins. The only time I don’t feel good about giving gifts is when the other person doesn’t seem to like it at all. This usually isn’t a problem though because most people are nice enough to at least fake it. (Wowzers! Shoelaces! Exactly what I wanted…!”)

If I ever am lucky enough to have kids, things will get even better. I’ll be able to boss them around and threaten them with the absence of presents to make them do things. And they’ll have to listen or there will be no more Christmas.

So here I am talking about how much I like to give gifts, which might lead you to wonder why you didn’t get a gift from me. Well, the short answer is that I don’t like you. The real answer is that I don’t know what people would like. I have found that I usually miss and get people junk (shoelaces). I suck at choosing gifts. I feel awkward giving sucky gifts to people.

While I still haven’t gotten my bazooka or flamethrower, I got a lot of gifts this year. Every one of my friends has given me the gift of friendship. A bazooka would still be better but I’m not complaining.

Putting things off

Whenever you want to put something off, you need to justify a reason to yourself. Anything will work as long as you have low standards. Here are some examples you can use.

• Eh, tomorrow is a new day.
• Eh, it’s Christmas Eve.
• Eh… eh.

I am using all 3 of those to justify not really making a post today.

Grinch

The Grinch is a fool. He stole all the presents right? And then what does he do? HE GIVES IT BACK? Are you kidding me? If he was able to pull of this kind of job all alone, he could be doing this to like 5-6 big cities in a week. Think of all the presents he’d be getting. Think of all the money he could make. Money may not buy happiness, but money does buy cars and bling bling. And we’re probably not even getting the full story. Once he returned the presents, what happened? Sure they were all happy together for a bit. But come New Years, who wants a green furry guy walking around in their town? People are way racist and they probably chained him up and threw him in some hole.

Man. The grinch. What. A. Fool.

Persuasion

I am moderately skilled in the art of subtle persuasion. I thought I’d put it to the test by trying to get someone to invite me over to play their PS3. Here’s how it went over AIM.

Me: hey
Not Me: hey
Me: how's your ps3
Not Me: rsting :D
Me: you know, i've always wanted to play a ps3
Me: i bet it's rly fun huh
Me: man
Not Me: LOL
Me: i wonder what it's like
Me: hey, we actually live kinda close dont' we
Not Me: lolol
Not Me: yea cept u forgot
Not Me: i look like a deformed chipmunk still

At this point, I just gave up due to uncontrollable laughter. If I continued though, there’s a chance that I would have succeeded. And you know what they say, no chance is worse than some chance.

How To Make An Interesting Blog Post

A lot of people have extremely boring blogs. Here’s an example. Why be boring? It is really easy to talk about something interesting. Here’s how.

The easiest thing to do is just talk about your day. I’ll take you through the process. Here is a bare bones version of my day.

I got a haircut today. I then played basketball.

This is not very interesting. What we have to do next is add a few interesting details. Keyword: Interesting.

I got a very interesting haircut today. Interestingly enough, I then played basketball.

No, not like that!

I got a haircut today. It is too short now. I then played basketball in the dark and rain.

Now that is a bit better, but we need to make the story have some bang. Throw in some stories, make things up if you have to. Just try not to go overboard with the lies or people will stop paying attention, just like the kid who cried wolf.

I got a haircut today. I went to a new place in town. The barber’s name was Sweeney Todd, which I found to be quite an uncommon name. He cut my hair very short. I have been told that I look like Joey Li, which I think may be a bad thing.

I then went to play basketball with a few friends. It started raining but we kept at it. We saw Lebron James and he asked to play a game with us. We politely declined. He then said ‘Do you know who I am?’. We threw several responses to him, including ‘LeBrick’, ‘King Crab Dribble’, ‘The Chubby One’, and ‘No I don’t’. We then ignored him. It then started getting dark so we coudln’t see him anymore and continued playing. 

And there you have it. An interesting story that’s based on my day. Simple as pie.

Laugh Now

What’s the point of a laugh track? Sure, they’re good for the show, but do they really do anything for the viewers? Having a laugh track in a show means two things. The jokes aren’t good enough so they need to feed you simulated laughter. Of course this can’t be the real reason because that would mean the writers are the one who wrote the jokes, and it is never their fault. So the next possible reason is that they think you are too dumb and do not know when to laugh. If they could, they would have you buy a neon sign attachment for your television that would light up every time they wanted you to laugh.

But why are there only laugh tracks? How about something new, like a cry track? When an especially sad scene comes on, you hear multiple people sobbing their hearts out. Or a shock track? When something disgusting, like 2 girls 1 cup, is being shown you hear people yelling out in disgust. Maybe even have one or two sounds of people barfing.

I did manage to come up with something good about laugh tracks. If you’re watching a show alone, it might be nice to get that feeling you’re watching with other people. However, if this actually affects you like this, you’re probably super lonely.

Now all I need is a comment track that makes people comment.

The Beginning of an Epic

The title of this post is misleading. I wanted to grab your attention, but now I follow up by making it clear that is false advertising.

I plan on making one post a day, throughout this winter break. Probability of it happening? Low. Probability that the posts will degenerate into mindless blabbering? High.

Here’s a quick little something to start off the morning. I saw a “fan page” (is that what you call it?) on facebook titled “I didn’t trip, I was testing gravity, it still works.” Pretty hilarious right? I tried changing it up a bit and this is what I came up with.

“I didn’t fail my class, I was testing for grade inflation, it still doesn’t exist.”