Eminem Is Better Than Jason Mraz

Recently, or not so recently depending on how you look at it, Jason Mraz released an album titled “We Sing, We Dance, We Steal Things”. Eminem’s most recent album is “Eminem Presents the Re-Up”. I thought I’d compare these two albums because they’re both the most recent albums from these two artists and their titles are both needlessly long. They don’t really belong to the same genre of music, so I thought I’d just resort to comparing the album art. Makes my life easier.

Keep in mind that I am 100% unbiased and in no way do I like Eminem 500 times more than Jason Mraz.

Here’s Eminem’s cover.

It’s important to note that this whole cover is hand drawn by Eminem himself, except maybe the parental advisory sticker. He took a month to draw this and I think it turned out pretty darn good. Now, it’s not perfect because Bizarre, the guy on Eminem’s left, should be about 200 pounds heavier than that.

Now, here’s Jason Mraz’s album cover.

Wow. Just wow. Great album cover. Did he draw that? Jason Mraz is a really crappy artist (the drawing kind, not the singing kind). It looks like a 5 year old did it. Or it looks like he forgot to make an album cover and he had 5 minutes to do it so he drew the first thing that came into his head, his face. Maybe he didn’t have a mirror when he drew this, or maybe he really thinks his nose is just two dots. Hopefully he drew this in Microsoft Paint, otherwise it’s even worse. There’s always the possibility that he wasn’t the one who drew it, but then that begs the question… where do I apply to draw album covers for him and get paid? If I saw this album in China, I’d be hesitant to buy it because the cover looks so bad it looks like a fake.

I like both their songs but as you can clearly see, Eminem is better than Jason Mraz.

Being A Pig Sucks

Pigs have a horrible life. They just sit in mud all day, wondering if they're actually sitting in mud, or something else that's brown and disgusting that probably came from their own bumbum. Pigs have no potential in life. When is the last time you've seen a pig be king or president? The thing is, pigs are supposed to one of the smarter animals in the animal kingdom. Unfortunately for them, perception becomes reality. Everyone thinks pigs are dumb. They look dumb, they can only say one word (oink), and their tails aren't even straight.

When pigs get eaten, they get devoured. There's dishes with pork feet, pork ears, pork blood... I wouldn't be surprised to see pork brains as a menu item. People must really hate pigs because it seems they make sure that every part of a pig gets transformed into food.

Most importantly, pigs are dead last in the Chinese zodiac. (Speaking of which, how did the dragon, which can fly, not win??) The pig was so slow that the dog had to accompany it, just so the pig wouldn't feel bad and try to commit suicide by jumping on a hot rock and turning itself into bacon.

I'm not much of a reader so I'm no expert on reading but I do admit that in Animal Farm, the pigs became the head of the farm. Problem is, that's just a book. The only thing I got out of that is that pigs are evil, scheming, fatties, and that we should eat more of them just to keep their numbers down.

As I've mentioned before, perception is reality. When you think of a horse, you think of a majestic creature with humongous leg muscles, galloping into the sunset. When you think of a lion, you think of a courageous, fierce creature with a glowing aura of danger. When you think of a pig however, you think of ham. The nice little packaged hams you can buy at Safeway.

Now I'm not saying pigs suck. Pigs are delicious. It just sucks to be a pig.

AP Chem Syllabus

I found my old AP Chemistry syllabus from 2005 (sophmore junior year). You might know that my Chem AP class wasn't the best place to actually learn chem. It was a very good place to do math homework and brush up on poker skills though. In case you need more clarification, the teacher's name starts with 'W' and ends with 'oo'. Here's a quick rundown of the syllabus.

What it says: Spending 30-60 minutes each night reading and reviewing text in addition to working on homework and class assignments.

What really happened: We spent 30-60 minutes the night before each test and some of lunch time reading the text for the first time and copied all homework or class assignments.
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What it says: Labs are an important part of the curriculum.

What really happened: We did no labs for 90% of the year. Then someone asked why we did no labs and we started doing a lab every single day. We also were proud that we set off the school fire alarm by burning things we didn't know about.
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What it says: Independent work is an expectation of this course. Study groups are highly recommended.

What really happened: Independent work was rare. Answer copying groups were highly recommended.
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What it says: Minimal extra credit is offered during the year.

What really happened: Extra credit was given if you were a girl and you whined constantly during class, before class, after class, and after school.
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What it it says: Students should consider the serious time commitment required by this class.

What really happened: Students should take this class if they like playing chess and not learning chemistry.

Search Engine Traffic

The picture above is a short glimpse into the search results from google and yahoo that led to my blog. I got these from Google Analytics, in case you were wondering.

The first search term is "chubber fish". I was curious what that would return so I typed it into Google myself. I got a whole lot of... nothing. I don't think there is a such thing as a chubber fish, and if there is, no one cares about it. I did stumble upon a nice family blog detailing the life of their kid, but the kid wasn't a fishy.

The second term doesn't make much sense to me. Chicks aren't chubby.

The third one is such a good oppurtunity for a fat joke but I've moved on from that. The 3rd person is probably some vegetarian wondering why he/she is still chubby. Time for a new diet I suppose.

Number four is just...weird.

Five and six are whatever. Number 6 might have even been me because I'm very forgetful.

Number 7.... yeah....

Number 8 is whatever again.

I'm just glad that I was able to help out number 9. If you're wondering what I'm talking about, just read the previous post.

Number 10 is fat joke land again. My answer to that would be to close your eyes, and tape your nose, and eat so much hot sauce your taste buds get burned off.

Tips To Not Be Hungry

I think I'm capable of making a significant contribution to the Mercury News. I really do. Yesterday the front page article was about how hot it's going to get, and it was titled "Playing it cool". Nothing wrong with that on a slow news day, or when the newspaper doesn't feel like doing real work to cover a real story. Anyways, where would I be able to help? Well, there's a nice little box on the front page titled "Tips To Stay Cool", and it gives some pointers on how to stay cool. I'll shorten them a little and type them out here for your reference in case you need ideas on how to stay cool.

-Stay in air-conditioned rooms

-Reduce body temperature by using cold compresses, misting yourself with water, and taking cool showers and baths

-Avoid physical exertion

-Wear lightweight and light-colored clothing

-Drink plenty of fluids. However, if your doctor has told you to limit your fluid intake, ask your doctor how much should drink during the heat

My reaction to this can be summed up in 2 big words and some symbols of emphasis: NO DUH!!!! The first three items are so obvious it hurt my head to even consider the idea that people wouldn't know them, giving a new meaning to painfully obvious. The fourth item is pretty simple too. Don't wear heavy pieces of clothing because they are usually made to keep you warmer. The last one is a joke. Drink lots of water, unless you're told not to drink lots of water.

I was thinking that if they had to have someone make this list, I could make an equally useful list too! Here's mine.

Tips To Not Be Hungry
-Eat food
-Eat food
-Go out to a restaurant and eat food
-Do not NOT eat food
-Eat lots of food. However, if you are not hungry anymore, stop eating food.

I'm really disapointed in the ever-decreasing quality of the local newspaper. Either the Mercury News had to reduce headcount by 50% and accidentally fired the smart 50%, or they decided to change their target audience to 1st graders and polar bears who just moved to America.