New Years Resolutions 2008

I seem to have lost my new years predictions for 2007 so I'll just skip the review of the year and get to next year's resolutions. Also, some people seem to have a problem with the idea that people only decide to better themselves when a new year comes, which is quite an arbitrary date. But I say, who cares? If it helps someone make changes when does it matter when you start? Unless you're part of the 98% of the population that sticks to their resolutions for an average of 3 milliseconds.

Per tradition, I'll have 5 and 5.

1. Adult males are composed of about 60% water. I am not content with being average, so I will aim to be 50% greater than everyone else and be 90% water.

2. Become all powerful, if only so I can blow stuff up with my mind.

3. Find some way to be able to absorb things. Think of the possibilities! If you're hungry, you don't need to spend time chewing. Just let your tummy absorb it. If you have contacts, just have your eyeballs absorb them so you have good vision forever. If you're really big and there's this midget that's bothering you, just absorb them!

4. Grow a moustache that rivals Mario's, and then win the coveted Sexiest 'Stache of the Year award.

5. Release a hit song thats similar to "This is why I'm hot", "Party like a Rockstar", "Crank that", or some other equally retarded song. There's a couple of nice benefits. I'd make a couple million. I'd get to hear my song in clubs and all over the radio. And best of all, when I walk around outside all the stupid girls that like these songs will faint from excitement when they see me. When they faint and crumple to the hard stone floor, they'll hurt themselves. I'm just trying to help out with our population problem.



1. Boost up my self-esteem... or so people tell me.

2. Right now I'm skinny like a twig. I should become something more like a branch.

3. Be a nice person and do nice things for nice people.

4. Learn how to spell.

5. Figure out who I am.


Happy New Years!!