Why We Should All Be Vegetarian

I remember one person once told me that more and more people are realizing that meat isn't the greatest thing for your body, and that more and more people are eating fish. Even though fish is kind of like meat anyways, the point probably was that being a fish will suck more than normal because there's a greater chance of being eaten. Here are a few reasons to become a vegetarian. Keep in mind that I myself will completely disregard my own reasons so don't feel any pressure to be swayed by them at all.
1. Eating meat is probably just a fad.

One day, a long time ago, a caveman saw a saber tooth tiger take down and eat a mammoth. Since the caveman was a guy, it seemed pretty awesome so he tried it too to be awesome like the saber tooth tiger. So basically people started eating meat because it was the cool thing to do. Fads pass though.

2. It's not nice to eat other animals.

They have feelings. If you yell at a dog it'll get all sad and its tail will stop wagging. Plants are a different story. Try going out to a carrot patch and start yelling at the carrots. Those pricks won't even respond to you. They were probably ignoring you too. I wouldn't feel sorry for chopping them up and eating them.

3. Mad Cow Disease

If we don't eat cows, we won't get mad cow disease. I'm no expert on mad cow disease but I'm pretty sure it's caused by cows that are angry. Why would they be angry you ask? Because we keep eating them. We should just release them all to the wild. They'd still be eaten by wolves though and we wouldn't have any more milk. So I guess we need cows. But we can't eat them.

To Girls...

This is one of those lists that girls send to guys in hopes that the guy will be more like the person described in the list. No one sent me this with the intention of me being that special guy but I happened to come across it so I decided to change the list a little... here's the new and improved list. Funny colored stuff is the original, my additions are in black.

- Stay on the phone with her even if shes not saying anything. ...until you realize that she fell asleep on you an hour ago.

- When she's mad hug her tight and don't let go ...even if you're cutting off her air.

- When she says she's ok don't believe it, talk with her ...until she gets mad at you that you never believe her.

- because 10 yrs later she'll remember you ...as the person she still hates.

- Call her at 12:00am on her birthday to tell her you love her ...only to find out she changed her number.

- Call her before you sleep and after you wake up ...because everybody likes to be bothered at least twice a day.

- Treat her like she's all that matters to you. ...so be sure to keep her locked up somewhere safe.

- Tease her and let her tease you back. ...then punch her and let her punch you back.

- Stay up all night with her when she's sick. ...if you want to get sick too.

- Watch her favorite movie with her or her favorite show even if you think its stupid. ...then shoot yourself for wasting your time.

- Give her the world.... even if that is totally impossible.

- Let her wear your clothes. ... after you run through a patch of poison ivy.

- When she's bored and sad, hang out with her. ...so you can feel better about your own life.

- Let her know she's important. ...but not as important as you.

- Kiss her in the pouring rain. ...then catch a cold and die.

Shoot or Ask Questions?

For tonights installment of fun, let's have a pretend scenario. Let's say that you're in some sort of country where 95% of the people are bad people. Everyone in this country, including you, is armed with some sort of machine gun so it is a pretty dangerous place. Now let's say that it's nighttime and it's really dark outside. You see someone coming but you can't tell if it is someone friendly or not. The question now is, what do you do? Here's some possible courses of action.

Sidenote: Running isn't an option because I said it's not.

1. Shoot first, ask questions later

95% of the people here are bad guys so the person coming is most likely a bad person. Also, there's the chance that even if it was a friend, you'd only injure them and they would still be alive. Better safe than sorry. Also, if you have really bad aim, you'd want to be the one to start shooting so you have a better chance of hitting them before you get shot.


2. Ask questions first, Shoot later

You, the reader, might be thinking, "Patrick you're so awesome and such but I don't think you're supposed to add 'shoot later' to that." Well, I, the writer, will say that 95% of the people are baddies anyways so you'll most likely have to end up shooting them. This will just make you feel better about having to try and hurt someone else because you confirmed their a bad person. Of course this all hinges on the fact that they are dumb enough to respond before shooting at you, but if you're dumb enough to ask questions first in this situation, maybe everyone else is just like you.

3. Shoot while asking questions

If you have good aim, you probably won't be getting any answers to your questions with this method.

A Conversation

I recently heard a conversation that went like this.

Person 1: Hi, how are you?
Person 2: Good, how about you?
Person 1: Good.
Person 2: Good.
Person 1: Okay, bye.
Person 2: Bye.

This is why I don't talk to people.

My Perfect World

There has been countless ideas of what a perfect world would be like, and an equal amount of theories as to why a perfect world can't exist. Unfortunately for anyone who has spent the time to read them, they're all wrong. I'm here to cast the first correct stone into a vast yard full of stones that are incorrect. I'm going to throw a bucket of water into a lake of spit. My words will be a flashlight in the land with no light.

Some people want a perfect world to have no violence, wars, or arguments. They want a Pleasantville, where everyone goes "Gee golly!", "Gee Whiskers!" and "That's swell!". Basically, everyone would be a nerd. Besides the fact that this would be a boring world to live in, it would never happen. We as humans are able to argue about almost anything. I'm not even talking about the big things in life like which country we should bomb next, whose religion is less wrong, or the existence or nonexistence of business ethics. People find the time to argue about white chocolate vs dark chocolate (dark is better), cats or dogs (dogs), and brownies or cookies (they're both chocolate, just take BOTH).

I'd take the time to take a look at a few more theories and explain what's wrong with them but I made a nice simple mathematical formula.

# of ideas not mine that are correct = 0

Remember, it's math and math is always right.

Anyways, here's a quick rundown of my perfect world.

1. Everyone gets a bajillion dollars.

2. Excuse me for the stereotypes but every girl gets one cute animal and every guy gets one cool gun/tank.

3. There is no such thing as the abomination that is white chocolate.

4. My best friend wouldn't be my laptop. It would be my second best friend after my NEW imaginary laptop.

5. Everyone would be nice to me. They can be mean to each other all they want though. They just have to be nice to me.