Text Message Templates

I only blog when I have something to procrastinate about. Right now that thing is unpacking my clothes.
I don’t text message a lot because I don’t have a texting plan and I don’t like being swiped two dimes every time I want to send a few misspelled words. I just found that there are text message templates for me to use. While they’re a good idea, I thought I’d alter them a bit to better suit my needs. The originals are in bold, my new ones are in italics.
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Call me when you get this message.
I KNOW YOU’RE THERE. ANSWER THE PHONE
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I’m in a meeting. I’ll call you back.
I’m doing something more interesting than talking to you. I’ll call you back when I’m bored.
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I am here.
I am lost. Help.
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Where are you?
Are you lost? I am.
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I love you.
When are you going to let me tap that?
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When can we meet?
Bball, bh, 3?
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Where is the meeting?
Why don’t you ever tell me anything. Where’s the meeting??? Is it over already? Hate you.
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Talk to you soon
word word balls up

Christmas

I wish I was able to give everyone I know a gift for Christmas. I really do. It is nice to receive gifts too. Giving may be better than receiving but giving *and* receiving is even better.

When I give a gift to someone, I feel good about it. I spent time and brain power in choosing out a gift. It is good to see that effort pay off. More importantly though, they now owe me. If you didn’t give me a gift, they owe me even more. I don’t know what it’ll turn into but I hear if I accumulate enough favors, then I’ll get an extra life. Or maybe that was gold coins. The only time I don’t feel good about giving gifts is when the other person doesn’t seem to like it at all. This usually isn’t a problem though because most people are nice enough to at least fake it. (Wowzers! Shoelaces! Exactly what I wanted…!”)

If I ever am lucky enough to have kids, things will get even better. I’ll be able to boss them around and threaten them with the absence of presents to make them do things. And they’ll have to listen or there will be no more Christmas.

So here I am talking about how much I like to give gifts, which might lead you to wonder why you didn’t get a gift from me. Well, the short answer is that I don’t like you. The real answer is that I don’t know what people would like. I have found that I usually miss and get people junk (shoelaces). I suck at choosing gifts. I feel awkward giving sucky gifts to people.

While I still haven’t gotten my bazooka or flamethrower, I got a lot of gifts this year. Every one of my friends has given me the gift of friendship. A bazooka would still be better but I’m not complaining.

Putting things off

Whenever you want to put something off, you need to justify a reason to yourself. Anything will work as long as you have low standards. Here are some examples you can use.

• Eh, tomorrow is a new day.
• Eh, it’s Christmas Eve.
• Eh… eh.

I am using all 3 of those to justify not really making a post today.

Grinch

The Grinch is a fool. He stole all the presents right? And then what does he do? HE GIVES IT BACK? Are you kidding me? If he was able to pull of this kind of job all alone, he could be doing this to like 5-6 big cities in a week. Think of all the presents he’d be getting. Think of all the money he could make. Money may not buy happiness, but money does buy cars and bling bling. And we’re probably not even getting the full story. Once he returned the presents, what happened? Sure they were all happy together for a bit. But come New Years, who wants a green furry guy walking around in their town? People are way racist and they probably chained him up and threw him in some hole.

Man. The grinch. What. A. Fool.

Persuasion

I am moderately skilled in the art of subtle persuasion. I thought I’d put it to the test by trying to get someone to invite me over to play their PS3. Here’s how it went over AIM.

Me: hey
Not Me: hey
Me: how's your ps3
Not Me: rsting :D
Me: you know, i've always wanted to play a ps3
Me: i bet it's rly fun huh
Me: man
Not Me: LOL
Me: i wonder what it's like
Me: hey, we actually live kinda close dont' we
Not Me: lolol
Not Me: yea cept u forgot
Not Me: i look like a deformed chipmunk still

At this point, I just gave up due to uncontrollable laughter. If I continued though, there’s a chance that I would have succeeded. And you know what they say, no chance is worse than some chance.