Pigs have a horrible life. They just sit in mud all day, wondering if they're actually sitting in mud, or something else that's brown and disgusting that probably came from their own bumbum. Pigs have no potential in life. When is the last time you've seen a pig be king or president? The thing is, pigs are supposed to one of the smarter animals in the animal kingdom. Unfortunately for them, perception becomes reality. Everyone thinks pigs are dumb. They look dumb, they can only say one word (oink), and their tails aren't even straight.
When pigs get eaten, they get devoured. There's dishes with pork feet, pork ears, pork blood... I wouldn't be surprised to see pork brains as a menu item. People must really hate pigs because it seems they make sure that every part of a pig gets transformed into food.
Most importantly, pigs are dead last in the Chinese zodiac. (Speaking of which, how did the dragon, which can fly, not win??) The pig was so slow that the dog had to accompany it, just so the pig wouldn't feel bad and try to commit suicide by jumping on a hot rock and turning itself into bacon.
I'm not much of a reader so I'm no expert on reading but I do admit that in Animal Farm, the pigs became the head of the farm. Problem is, that's just a book. The only thing I got out of that is that pigs are evil, scheming, fatties, and that we should eat more of them just to keep their numbers down.
As I've mentioned before, perception is reality. When you think of a horse, you think of a majestic creature with humongous leg muscles, galloping into the sunset. When you think of a lion, you think of a courageous, fierce creature with a glowing aura of danger. When you think of a pig however, you think of ham. The nice little packaged hams you can buy at Safeway.
Now I'm not saying pigs suck. Pigs are delicious. It just sucks to be a pig.
Monday, September 29, 2008
Saturday, August 16, 2008
AP Chem Syllabus
I found my old AP Chemistry syllabus from 2005 (sophmore junior year). You might know that my Chem AP class wasn't the best place to actually learn chem. It was a very good place to do math homework and brush up on poker skills though. In case you need more clarification, the teacher's name starts with 'W' and ends with 'oo'. Here's a quick rundown of the syllabus.
What it says: Spending 30-60 minutes each night reading and reviewing text in addition to working on homework and class assignments.
What really happened: We spent 30-60 minutes the night before each test and some of lunch time reading the text for the first time and copied all homework or class assignments.
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What it says: Labs are an important part of the curriculum.
What really happened: We did no labs for 90% of the year. Then someone asked why we did no labs and we started doing a lab every single day. We also were proud that we set off the school fire alarm by burning things we didn't know about.
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What it says: Independent work is an expectation of this course. Study groups are highly recommended.
What really happened: Independent work was rare. Answer copying groups were highly recommended.
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What it says: Minimal extra credit is offered during the year.
What really happened: Extra credit was given if you were a girl and you whined constantly during class, before class, after class, and after school.
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What it it says: Students should consider the serious time commitment required by this class.
What really happened: Students should take this class if they like playing chess and not learning chemistry.
What it says: Spending 30-60 minutes each night reading and reviewing text in addition to working on homework and class assignments.
What really happened: We spent 30-60 minutes the night before each test and some of lunch time reading the text for the first time and copied all homework or class assignments.
---------------------------------------
What it says: Labs are an important part of the curriculum.
What really happened: We did no labs for 90% of the year. Then someone asked why we did no labs and we started doing a lab every single day. We also were proud that we set off the school fire alarm by burning things we didn't know about.
---------------------------------------
What it says: Independent work is an expectation of this course. Study groups are highly recommended.
What really happened: Independent work was rare. Answer copying groups were highly recommended.
---------------------------------------
What it says: Minimal extra credit is offered during the year.
What really happened: Extra credit was given if you were a girl and you whined constantly during class, before class, after class, and after school.
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What it it says: Students should consider the serious time commitment required by this class.
What really happened: Students should take this class if they like playing chess and not learning chemistry.
Saturday, August 09, 2008
Search Engine Traffic
The picture above is a short glimpse into the search results from google and yahoo that led to my blog. I got these from Google Analytics, in case you were wondering.
The first search term is "chubber fish". I was curious what that would return so I typed it into Google myself. I got a whole lot of... nothing. I don't think there is a such thing as a chubber fish, and if there is, no one cares about it. I did stumble upon a nice family blog detailing the life of their kid, but the kid wasn't a fishy.
The second term doesn't make much sense to me. Chicks aren't chubby.
The third one is such a good oppurtunity for a fat joke but I've moved on from that. The 3rd person is probably some vegetarian wondering why he/she is still chubby. Time for a new diet I suppose.
Number four is just...weird.
Five and six are whatever. Number 6 might have even been me because I'm very forgetful.
Number 7.... yeah....
Number 8 is whatever again.
I'm just glad that I was able to help out number 9. If you're wondering what I'm talking about, just read the previous post.
Number 10 is fat joke land again. My answer to that would be to close your eyes, and tape your nose, and eat so much hot sauce your taste buds get burned off.
Friday, July 11, 2008
Tips To Not Be Hungry
I think I'm capable of making a significant contribution to the Mercury News. I really do. Yesterday the front page article was about how hot it's going to get, and it was titled "Playing it cool". Nothing wrong with that on a slow news day, or when the newspaper doesn't feel like doing real work to cover a real story. Anyways, where would I be able to help? Well, there's a nice little box on the front page titled "Tips To Stay Cool", and it gives some pointers on how to stay cool. I'll shorten them a little and type them out here for your reference in case you need ideas on how to stay cool.
My reaction to this can be summed up in 2 big words and some symbols of emphasis: NO DUH!!!! The first three items are so obvious it hurt my head to even consider the idea that people wouldn't know them, giving a new meaning to painfully obvious. The fourth item is pretty simple too. Don't wear heavy pieces of clothing because they are usually made to keep you warmer. The last one is a joke. Drink lots of water, unless you're told not to drink lots of water.
I was thinking that if they had to have someone make this list, I could make an equally useful list too! Here's mine.
Tips To Not Be Hungry
-Eat food
-Eat food
-Go out to a restaurant and eat food
-Do not NOT eat food
-Eat lots of food. However, if you are not hungry anymore, stop eating food.
I'm really disapointed in the ever-decreasing quality of the local newspaper. Either the Mercury News had to reduce headcount by 50% and accidentally fired the smart 50%, or they decided to change their target audience to 1st graders and polar bears who just moved to America.
-Stay in air-conditioned rooms
-Reduce body temperature by using cold compresses, misting yourself with water, and taking cool showers and baths
-Avoid physical exertion
-Wear lightweight and light-colored clothing
-Drink plenty of fluids. However, if your doctor has told you to limit your fluid intake, ask your doctor how much should drink during the heat
My reaction to this can be summed up in 2 big words and some symbols of emphasis: NO DUH!!!! The first three items are so obvious it hurt my head to even consider the idea that people wouldn't know them, giving a new meaning to painfully obvious. The fourth item is pretty simple too. Don't wear heavy pieces of clothing because they are usually made to keep you warmer. The last one is a joke. Drink lots of water, unless you're told not to drink lots of water.
I was thinking that if they had to have someone make this list, I could make an equally useful list too! Here's mine.
Tips To Not Be Hungry
-Eat food
-Eat food
-Go out to a restaurant and eat food
-Do not NOT eat food
-Eat lots of food. However, if you are not hungry anymore, stop eating food.
I'm really disapointed in the ever-decreasing quality of the local newspaper. Either the Mercury News had to reduce headcount by 50% and accidentally fired the smart 50%, or they decided to change their target audience to 1st graders and polar bears who just moved to America.
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
My Cell Phone
My cell phone has a great battery life. In fact, the battery life of my cell phone is amazing. It is mind blowing to the point that if I didn't decide to investigate this mystery of epic proportions, my head would have likely been blown by the sheer knowledge that I don't have the knowledge of why my cell phone's battery lasts so long. So anyways, I took a break from sleeping to investigate this and I came up with some results.
1. I like carrots. But I'm not a rabbit. A very curious matter I must pursue someday.
2.
3. I don't talk on the phone a lot.
After these 3 exciting new observations were made, I had to sift through them to find out which ones were important. Obviously one of them could be thrown out right off the bat. The second one has a pie chart, and statistics can always be manipulated so we're left with the first and last one. After lengthy consideration, I decided to take a closer look at the 3rd one, simply because I don't want to have to find out that I'm really a rabbit.
I went into my call time logs and came up with these numbers.
I've had my phone for 210 days exactly today.
I've sent 897 minutes of calls.
I've received 423 minutes of calls.
This comes out to 6.19 minutes on the phone a day.
Points of Interest To ME:
- I've sent 2 times more minutes of calls than received
- Seconds are counted as seconds, so a 1 second call doesn't get rounded up to 1 minute
- This average is very puzzling to me because I go many days without using the phone. The last time I made/received a call was 4 days ago. Before that, it was 2 days ago. Before that, 2 days. Before that 4 days.
- I also don't recall talking too long on the phone so I'm not sure where 6.19 minutes a day is coming from.
So what does this all mean? I don't know. I kind of lost interest while making the pie chart. But I do know that my phone will be in tip top shape for a long time. I'm sure there are lots of people who have a lower average than me too. Also, the only way I can account for the average time is to assume that there are fairies in this world and they like messing with my phone. Damn fairies.
1. I like carrots. But I'm not a rabbit. A very curious matter I must pursue someday.
2.
3. I don't talk on the phone a lot.
After these 3 exciting new observations were made, I had to sift through them to find out which ones were important. Obviously one of them could be thrown out right off the bat. The second one has a pie chart, and statistics can always be manipulated so we're left with the first and last one. After lengthy consideration, I decided to take a closer look at the 3rd one, simply because I don't want to have to find out that I'm really a rabbit.
I went into my call time logs and came up with these numbers.
I've had my phone for 210 days exactly today.
I've sent 897 minutes of calls.
I've received 423 minutes of calls.
This comes out to 6.19 minutes on the phone a day.
Points of Interest To ME:
- I've sent 2 times more minutes of calls than received
- Seconds are counted as seconds, so a 1 second call doesn't get rounded up to 1 minute
- This average is very puzzling to me because I go many days without using the phone. The last time I made/received a call was 4 days ago. Before that, it was 2 days ago. Before that, 2 days. Before that 4 days.
- I also don't recall talking too long on the phone so I'm not sure where 6.19 minutes a day is coming from.
So what does this all mean? I don't know. I kind of lost interest while making the pie chart. But I do know that my phone will be in tip top shape for a long time. I'm sure there are lots of people who have a lower average than me too. Also, the only way I can account for the average time is to assume that there are fairies in this world and they like messing with my phone. Damn fairies.
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