Twitter Uses

I can imagine many good uses for Twitter. Pretend that Jack Bauer from the show 24 is hiding from baddies and needs to get help. Well, he can’t just whip out his cell phone and call for help because people will hear him. He can whip out his cell phone and send out a tweet though. “Hlp, hiding in dumpster, send backup" This is better than a text message because one simple tweet could reach multiple people.

I can also imagine many silly ways to use Twitter. Unfortunately for everyone, some of these silly uses have already been imagined and used.

That’s right — both Geoff Johns and Jim Lee will be reading FIRST WAVE #1 on Wednesday, and you can share the experience with them on Twitter, where you can tweet your thoughts and comments to the superstar creators and hear what they think as they flip from page to page.

First Wave is the name of a new comic book series. Imagine the fun you’ll have when you read what these other people have to say about reading! Perhaps these two writers have some valuable insight, but I find it doubtful. Here are some sample tweets that I came up with.

• Wow. Cool pictures
• I flipped a page
• I could have wrote that dialogue better
• I get paid to do this. Don’t you wish you were me
• Flipped a page

Opposite Day

“Can I borrow a dollar?”

“Yes. But it’s opposite day, so HAHAHA”

Everyone knows about opposite day, the day that exists whenever someone feels like being annoying and unfunny. The idea of opposite day is simple: yes means no and no means yes. And yet, it’s not truly that simple.

Let’s start with the sentence “We declared war.”

The simple translation would be “We declared peace.”

Let’s go a few steps deeper though.

Declare means to announce officially.

So, “We unofficially announce war.”

Or, “We officially keep secret our intentions of war.”

Or, “We keep secret our unofficial intentions of war.”

We can even opposite day the first word too.

“You people declare war.”

Or, “I declare war.”

Or, “Everyone but us declares war.”

Put it all together and you could get something like “Everyone but us is keeping secret their unofficial intentions of peace.”

If you said that to someone and they were to un-opposite it in a simple way, they might come up with “Everyone declared war on us.” Uh oh.

Text Message Templates

I only blog when I have something to procrastinate about. Right now that thing is unpacking my clothes.
I don’t text message a lot because I don’t have a texting plan and I don’t like being swiped two dimes every time I want to send a few misspelled words. I just found that there are text message templates for me to use. While they’re a good idea, I thought I’d alter them a bit to better suit my needs. The originals are in bold, my new ones are in italics.
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Call me when you get this message.
I KNOW YOU’RE THERE. ANSWER THE PHONE
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I’m in a meeting. I’ll call you back.
I’m doing something more interesting than talking to you. I’ll call you back when I’m bored.
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I am here.
I am lost. Help.
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Where are you?
Are you lost? I am.
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I love you.
When are you going to let me tap that?
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When can we meet?
Bball, bh, 3?
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Where is the meeting?
Why don’t you ever tell me anything. Where’s the meeting??? Is it over already? Hate you.
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Talk to you soon
word word balls up

Christmas

I wish I was able to give everyone I know a gift for Christmas. I really do. It is nice to receive gifts too. Giving may be better than receiving but giving *and* receiving is even better.

When I give a gift to someone, I feel good about it. I spent time and brain power in choosing out a gift. It is good to see that effort pay off. More importantly though, they now owe me. If you didn’t give me a gift, they owe me even more. I don’t know what it’ll turn into but I hear if I accumulate enough favors, then I’ll get an extra life. Or maybe that was gold coins. The only time I don’t feel good about giving gifts is when the other person doesn’t seem to like it at all. This usually isn’t a problem though because most people are nice enough to at least fake it. (Wowzers! Shoelaces! Exactly what I wanted…!”)

If I ever am lucky enough to have kids, things will get even better. I’ll be able to boss them around and threaten them with the absence of presents to make them do things. And they’ll have to listen or there will be no more Christmas.

So here I am talking about how much I like to give gifts, which might lead you to wonder why you didn’t get a gift from me. Well, the short answer is that I don’t like you. The real answer is that I don’t know what people would like. I have found that I usually miss and get people junk (shoelaces). I suck at choosing gifts. I feel awkward giving sucky gifts to people.

While I still haven’t gotten my bazooka or flamethrower, I got a lot of gifts this year. Every one of my friends has given me the gift of friendship. A bazooka would still be better but I’m not complaining.

Putting things off

Whenever you want to put something off, you need to justify a reason to yourself. Anything will work as long as you have low standards. Here are some examples you can use.

• Eh, tomorrow is a new day.
• Eh, it’s Christmas Eve.
• Eh… eh.

I am using all 3 of those to justify not really making a post today.