Tips To Not Be Hungry

I think I'm capable of making a significant contribution to the Mercury News. I really do. Yesterday the front page article was about how hot it's going to get, and it was titled "Playing it cool". Nothing wrong with that on a slow news day, or when the newspaper doesn't feel like doing real work to cover a real story. Anyways, where would I be able to help? Well, there's a nice little box on the front page titled "Tips To Stay Cool", and it gives some pointers on how to stay cool. I'll shorten them a little and type them out here for your reference in case you need ideas on how to stay cool.

-Stay in air-conditioned rooms

-Reduce body temperature by using cold compresses, misting yourself with water, and taking cool showers and baths

-Avoid physical exertion

-Wear lightweight and light-colored clothing

-Drink plenty of fluids. However, if your doctor has told you to limit your fluid intake, ask your doctor how much should drink during the heat

My reaction to this can be summed up in 2 big words and some symbols of emphasis: NO DUH!!!! The first three items are so obvious it hurt my head to even consider the idea that people wouldn't know them, giving a new meaning to painfully obvious. The fourth item is pretty simple too. Don't wear heavy pieces of clothing because they are usually made to keep you warmer. The last one is a joke. Drink lots of water, unless you're told not to drink lots of water.

I was thinking that if they had to have someone make this list, I could make an equally useful list too! Here's mine.

Tips To Not Be Hungry
-Eat food
-Eat food
-Go out to a restaurant and eat food
-Do not NOT eat food
-Eat lots of food. However, if you are not hungry anymore, stop eating food.

I'm really disapointed in the ever-decreasing quality of the local newspaper. Either the Mercury News had to reduce headcount by 50% and accidentally fired the smart 50%, or they decided to change their target audience to 1st graders and polar bears who just moved to America.